Locket space for RENT!!!! need asap!

My friend gave me this locket...
i dunno why the heck he chose to give me this kind of trinket...
i stared at it the first time i held it.
"Sino naman ang lalagay ko dito?" was my first reaction...
"Bahala ka...pero may feeling ako na SIYA ang ilalagay mo dyan..."
SIYA...meaning the one really wanted to forget....
but...
i'm scared to put his picture in it...
there's a possibility that my friends will see his pic and react as if i did something very wrong...
still..
i'm confused...
stupid kasi...
why am i giving attention to this friggin' locket....
yet...
it won't hurt anyone if i put his picture in it ryt?
RIGHT!?

Somehow i don't want to go to school anymore...

I just arrived home from school...
i know it's not yet the friday...we just went there to take a look at the list of the sections...
almsot all of my friends were my classmates....
but how come...
the most important people you wanna be with suddenly ends up in the other room...
on the other side of the tracks...
yeah i know...i'm a little bit selfish...
but....
who am i going to talk to about things that are fun to talk about? like boys....
i know it won't be the same...
and i have to give space for change....
i gotta stop fighting the inevitable...
but it really sucks....
and i hate it...
there'll be no more "pssst!"'s in the middle of classes....
no one will laugh at the same things you think that's funny...
our class may seem complete for some of my classmates...
but not for me...

Facing the inevitable...

I just got off the phone with one of my frends....
before our conversation ended we were talking about this guy that really liked her....
the guy was also a close frend of mine...
i knew almost everything to know about this guy...
i even know what his dreams were...
you know...
having a family and designing this big house...
everything he wanted needs to be perfect...
i asked this guy once that what if what he wanted just didn't come out as expected...
like what if you wanted a red gumball but a blue one came out...
or you wanted a son as a first-born...but ended up getting a daughter...
and what if the girl you really wanted to be with for the rest of your life suddenly fell for another man...
wouldn't it just make you feel shattered?
but my guy friend didn't even say a word...
add the fact that he got angry at me for saying such things...
he said,"What did i ever do to you..."
I was just trying to make him see that even though you're planning so hard for your future...
there are such times that would steer you off course and maybe leave your dreams crumpled on the floor...
these kind of things are bound to happen...
you can't escape the inevitable...

I gotta get this off my head...and my heart...

Nakakainiz talaga...
i remember his pathetic looking face everywhere i turn...
in every song i hear on the radio...
in every story i write...
leche...
i really hate him right now...
it's driving me up the wall...
i just wish something would hit my head and erase the only part of my brain that contains every memory 'bout him...
i really have to get this off of my head...
and most especially...
my heart...

I went to a concert....AND WOW WAS IT ROCKIN'!

here it goes...
I went to Alabang town center to watch a friend and his band perform along with many other amatuer bands....some were good and had potential of getting their own album...
but some i think they were just there to flash their brand new guitars, sway their supah long hairs that were tied back...but they weren't really good singers nor song writers...
The concert had more up its sleeve than untalented bands...supah cute guys were flooding the activity center!!! I couldn't keep count...all of them were from La salle!!! by the time i started gwaping at the "hunkies" i forgot what i was there for...
let's go back to my frend's band, they were pretty good actually considering the fact that the lead singer Andrew (the friend i was telling you about) was about 16 almost as my age.
I enjoyed the concert especially when MAYONNAISE performed after 2 gruelling hours! i sang along and got to sit beside the lead singer of the band!!! hay...
if only i had enogh guts to ask for an autograph....
the concert was great...
but it wud be much more fun if i didn't have to watch alone ryt?

So caught up!

wow...
it's been a long time since i last posted something! i've been so caught up on updating my blog template that forgot all about what i was designing it for...
hahaha...
well...anyway...
there's not much goin' on 'round my house...
oh yeah!
I FINISHED THE DRAWING! you know, the family portrait for mah dear "frends who really wanna be lovers but can't!" get it?!
if you don't maybe i'm just really tired 'bout all this updating drawing and writing at the same time!hay.....

what to talk about....
hmmm....
wonder what everyone's doin'
obviously i know steph's doin' something she just never runs out of what to do...
....perky...
hmmm...
'bout jo...she just signed of a while ago in ym....
jade too...
I REALLY WANNA GO OUT BUT I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO! I"M STUCK AT HOME DOIN' CHORES!
(sigh!)

The countdown

8 days...
8 days until i hit the books again...
8 days until i raise my hand once again to recite...
8 days until i see his face again...
somehow there's something that doesn't want me to go back to school...
i'm afaraid to tell you the truth...
afraid that it's another year of rejection from him...
god...
if this keeps up...
it'll be 11 years...
11 years of waiting...
and unnoticed good deeds...
i'm sick of it all...
but i guess it's inevitable...
even if i scream like a foghorn...
or drown myself...
i know june 10 will still come...
it sucks...

...Got nothin' to do but blog!...

Is there anything good to do around here?!
I mean besides cleaning the house and fixing things that needs to be fixed...
my summer started out alright but...
while waiting for the first day of school to come...
i ran out of ideas on hat to do for the rest of my summer vacation...
i guess i'm stuck on writing my blog...
...(sigh!)...

...My Haunted summer beach...

Wow...
it's good to be back...
the beach was good but nothing beats sleeping on your own bed...
We got there by lunch time and boy was it hot!
Grabe...
i didn't go swimming just yet when we arrived...
i just laid there on the shore until the tide went low...
even if it was hot...
i still enjoyed lying there under the shade of a palm tree and listening to what was like the whispers of the sea...
When the sun set beautifully on the horizon...
i sang a couple...ok...maybe 20 songs on the karaoke...
and then ate dinner, after that i collapsed on the bed and went to sleep...
in the middle of the night (as told by my sister...)
She said she heard someone was humming in a very cold and high pitched voice...
my dad said he heard it too...
Whoa...
Did i sleep like a log or what..
everybody heard it except for me...
That could really make the hairs on your back stand up...
at first i didn't belive it...
but somehow...
i can recall hearing sand crunching footsteps outside of our "Kubo"
I guess i kinda felt that someone was there from the beginning...

I'm goin' to the beach!

We're goin' to the beach early tomorrow morning!
YEHEY!
but i'm not goin' swimmin'
i don't want to get "Too Tanned"...
you get what i mean?!
I guess i'll spend my time there just staring at the sun set in afternoon...
or cooking freshly caught fish by the bonfire by the coast...
the only down side is...
THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY!
we're going to sleep in these tents that we rented before we made our reservations...
but i guess...
it'll give me time for "soul searching"
...
HA! AS IF I NEED MORE TIME TO GET BORED!
anyway...
i do hope i'll enjoy my stay there...
i need a break from all the chores and "Work" people give me...
and a break from myself to!
OK GUYS! SEE YOU AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS!

...Rain...rain...don't go away...

I don't want the rain to go away really...
I just want it to stay...
especially when I'm alone...
to some people it may seem wierd...
but rain actually helps me soothe whatever i have...

I like it when the droplets of rain skid down the windows of my bedroom...
and as they chase each other...
it makes me remember things at random...
like the day i first met the one i thought i loved...
hahaha...
here i go again...

But seriously...
if given a chance...
i wish i have the power to make it rain whenever i want to...
or wherevere i want it to rain...

My worst night EVER!

LAst night i was tossing and turning on top my bed...
I keep waking up every 10 or fifteen minutes since i decided to go to bed...
And i have this headache that stayed until morning...
Something made me jump out of bed at 3 o'clock in the morning just to get a glass of water...
I stayed at the kitchen as i stared at the clock that kept on ticking...
I couldn't get back to sleep at that time because my headache was getting worse...
and add the fact that it was so hot!
as i decided to try to go sleep again...I did the same thing...
i was restless...
and then suddenly HE came to mind...
and all the things i was supposed to do just to get him out of my head...
I couldn't remeber much after that...
but i do know that i just cried myself to sleep...

A gift from ME to YOU...

Mixed feelings...
Still in the middle of making a decision on whether to hold on to the past...
or face what was supposed to be in store for me...
"Ang Hirap..."
Un lang masasabi ko...
It was never easy to love that kind of person...
nor is it easy to forget someone whom you never called mine for even half a second...

I don't know if i'm crazy...
'coz i try to smile when i feel like dying...
I tell everybody I'm ok when i'm not...
I put on a mask when you're near me...
Just to stay by yourside, i have to forget that i have a life of my own...
I forgot how i fell for you...
or How i love you this much that i put aside what's best for me and think about what you might need...
You tend to always push me away or put me aside into a condemned corner...
Yet I still run after you, even though it's clear to me that you don't want me to stay even a meter away from you...
I still try to understand you...up to this very moment...
Stupidity...
...hahaha...

I know many people hate you...
...
I never did...
I accepted the young man you grew up into...
even if you didn't even bother to take notice of me...
Lately...
I've been thinking...
I used to say...
"I still Love you..."
Now i'm trying to push through my lips...
"I used to love you..."
Since It was your birthday recently...
This is my gift to you...
"I'm giving up on you...Thank you very much for the very limited things you've done for me..."

Natalie's Right...I'm already Torn!

"...He was warm, he came around and he was dignified...he showed me how it was to cry..."

It's confirmed...somehow i knew who that guy was...
At first he seemed so perfect...well...
for me he was...
Eventually i got to know him...
He became one of my closest friends...and I before i knew it i fell for him...

Something told me he wasn't the type of guy who would tell you what he really feels...
In our local color...He was called a "Torpe" kind of guy...
I can't explain it coz it all happened so fast and i kinda ended up waiting for him...
you know just to find out what he really felt for me...
i know the reason is kind of lame...but can u blame me?
...wait...i guess you can...
but it doesn't matter...
a year passed...2 years...then 3...and before i could say "Where'd the calendar go?"
All my waiting reached a decade...

I didn't notice it or even payed attention to the fact that he changed...
he was arrogant...hot-headed...he got so full of himself...that almost evrybody hated him...
well...except for me...'coz i didn't care who he was or who he grew up to be...
I continued and based everything i do solely on what i really felt for him...

My friends told me that what he was doing to me wasn't ryt anymore...
"It's ok to wait but only if he treats you right..." one of my close friends said in a phone conversation...
she's right...and it took me just only 30 mins. to realize a full decade of my mistake...
he was treating me like i was some kind of stray dog...and i was aware of that..but i just smiled...at the mere fact that i was playing dumb...

Right now...I'm torn between the ideas of forgetting about him or continuing what i alredy started and hope that eventually he'll look my way somehow...

Trip sa MALL....

Here's how it started...i left the house before 2 pm in the afternoon...my friends...(Namely Steph and NAu...) decided to go on a joy ride papunta sa Robinsons...ng walang dalang pera!!!!! eh ako naman si sakay...i was about to jump out the friggin' jeep when they told me na ok lang daw and "trip trip lang naman daw" gawd...eh di d na ako nagpapapigil...i had fun naman eh..kaso pag uwi ko sa bahay...my dad found out what i did and i was sentenced to a life time of chores...kya sa susunod magpapalam na tlga na me and d na ako magpapauto sa mga trip na mga sinsabi ng mga kasama ko...

First time Blogger

Wow...
so this blog huh?

Never heard of an online journal before...but anyway...my friends say it's fun...

Let's see what shud i post...
Oh yeah! Anybody know the song "My Stupid Mouth" by John mayer!?
I kinda like this song coz i can totally relate to it... I'm a person who never knows best...
meaning i just talk without even thinking... and not minding if somebody involved in what i was talking about is around or not...
Well anyway... i'm going to make this short coz i have things to do...for example burning cd's...
see you guys! sorry i'm a little gloomy today! but don't worry i won't be next time!