it hurts

damn...
i just couldn't help myself...
i just proved that patience do have its limits...

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SHUT UP!?

WHY CAN'T SHE TELL THAT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!?

WHY CAN'T SHE UNDERSTAND WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!?

iF SHE IS READING THIS...I REALLY HATE YOURIGHT NOW...BUT I COULDN'T TELL YOU FACE TO FACE...'coz you're like my sister...and i can't tell you to stop...'coz your not that kind of person...crying won't make you stop teasing me or making me remember things i don't want to remember...

coz it hurts...

so much...

and it hurts even more now that it's coming from you...

out of all the people i know...you're the one who's doing this to me...

i thought that at least you're one of the people who would help me carry on...

but dammit i was wrong...

and you know what...

i don't know what i'm feeling ryt now...i don't wanna get angry but i am...

PUNO NA AKO! ETO NA UNG PINAKAMATINDING GINAWA MO SAKIN!

ibang klase...

wag kang mag alala...
khit baliktarin q man ang mundo aq naman ang unang mag so2rry sau eh...

After 3 days without sleep...

I feel like there's no end for this summer. Am i getting a little restless? Or is it just the heat? I've been in front of the computer for 3 days in a row...with little sleep...and little intake of food...but i don't see myself getting thinner...darn it...

Anyway, I don't go out much and i don't do much stuff during this summer...so my mind's ben a little idle this month, so things just enter my head...especially thoughts of Paolo...
You know...the guy who made me wait for sooooo loooong...it's really hard forgetting an experience like him...I wanna see him...and talk to him...but something inside tells me i shouldn't...i know my heart can't take it anymore...but i think i'm still not getting the idea that i should forget him...my heart keeps hoping for the day he would be the one who would make the first move...

I've been searching for someone exactly like you

I’ve been searching a long time
For someone exactly like you
I’ve been travelling all around the world
Waiting for you to come through.
Someone like you makes it
All worth while
Someone like you keeps
Me satisfied.
Someone exactlyLike you.
I’ve been travellin’ a hard road
Lookin’ for someone exactly like you
I’ve been carryin’ my heavy load
Waiting for the light to come
Shining through.
Someone like you makes it
All worth while
Someone like you keeps
Me satisfied.
Someone exactly
Like you.
I’ve been doin’ some soul searching
To find out where you’re at
I’ve been up and down the highwayIn all kinds of foreign lands
Someone like you...
I’ve been all around the world
Marching to the beat of a differentDrum.
But just lately I have
Realised
The best is yet to come.
Someone like you...

An unexpected guest

He called me at home in the middle of the afternoon. I thought we were going to have a long conversation so i pulled up a seat next to the phone. Then he suddenly asked me if he could spend the afternoon at my house and if i could teach him some guitar basics. Of course automatically i said yes...

Darn emotions...

Well anyway, i gave him my address and off he went. I on the other hand took a bath...I don't want to smell funky around him you know, considering it was sooooo hot that aftertoon that it magnifies even the faintest scent. It wasn't long before he found my house. It was nice seeing him again, since it was such a long time since i last saw him. He looked taller than before...
I asked him to take a seat and then he pulled out a bar of TOBLERONE *my 2nd most favorite chocolate next to hershey's* and gave it to me...

Of course kinilig ako...

it's not everyday that someone gives me chocolates!

Then i brought out my brother's guitar and taught him a few chords. (hopefully he still remembers!) I couldn't help but think that it's unusual for him to do things like this. He was carefully strumming the guiatr, trying not to make a mistake...
I just smiled and patiently taught him the way the song had to be strummed, when to change chords...
I had fun, and hopefully so did he. We talked for a while and after that we took pictures of ourselves on his phone and then we used the PC. I let him use it for a while, and then he decided that he'd go home because it was getting late. 7 pm is already late.

After he left, i thought the day was over, but no, he called me up then another conversation pulled through, he was telling me he had such a great time that he'd be doing it again soon.

Is he pushing me to tell him i like him?
I don't think it's not the right time...
after all he's still recovering from a heartache...

A tribute to my friends: Johanna

Also known as Ms. SIGAW or Ms. HOT...
a proud member of NEOS...

She entered our school when we were in grade 1...
we didn't imediately talkd to each other and became close...
we had 2 wait for like a couple of years before we created our group...
and i'm telling you each and every moment with her is like riding on the roller coaster...
you never know when she'd be in a perky or cranky mood..
like every other teenager,
she gets moodswings...
it's like programmed into her system or something...

Johanna's everybody's friend...
nobody owns her...
she's available anytime and anywhere...

well..

except on days when she's running alittle short on cash...

kaladkarin din siya...

a future movie maker...
hehehehe...
who needs the latest computer...

my bestfriend...
ang aking kakontsaba...

pagnawala si jo...
parang kulang...
parang walang kolor red sa crayon set mo...
parang kape na walang asukal...

it' hard for me knowing that we'll be far away from each other...
but i knwo it's inevitable...

why the heck am i crying!?
she'll always be sigaw...
and teddy jo to me...

she'll always be my BESTEST BEST FRIEND in theWHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!

A tribute to my friends: June

she owns madrigal ave.
She has 365 boys i per day in a year...
A really cute teacher as her worker...

in her dreams!!!

She is Ms. June Arrel Madrigal...
don't let her name fool you...
she's a girl really...
well...
most of the time...
She was just born on the month of june that's all...
her name was afetr the month of her birth...

A very hardworking person...
who deserves the best...
but sometimes life is unfair...
you get the opposite...
but from her smiles...
and her very warm aura...
you'd think she has everything anyone could ask for...

she has a problem ryt now...
and i'm worried...
i don't know what it is yet...
but hopefuly whatever it is...
she'll be able to solve it...

she loves anything that involves GOTH...
dunno what the heck that means...
all i know is that people who are GOTH...
are pessimists or otherwise sadists..
no offense...
but from the way i see it she shows a lot of those traits...
but less on the pessimistic attititude...

she is a fashion diva...
along side Lorraine...
who is also in my barkada...
she lieks everything that gives her a radiant look...
an eye catcher...
a true friend...
the one who'll always be there for you even at times you ignore her...
an advice giver...
who's advices really work...

Ms. Nutri-Star...

that is June...

Under the weather

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin
And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still like I'm gonna sink
Coz I'm under the weather
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home
You say you feel like a natural person
You haven't got nothing to hide
So why do you feel imperfection
Cut like a sword in your side
Coz you're under the weather
Just like the world
And I need somebody to hold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home

Coz I'm under the weather...

I'll miss you too sir erbert...

After the general rehearsal...
i went home with naureen, june and sir erbert...
HUWAW!!! from the moment we stepped out from the campus
we were laughing like crazy!
Sir erbert was walking sit com!
You won't believe how many jokes he threw at us!
kulang na nga lang tumumba kami eh!
we arrived at Talipapa...

this is where the real blog starts....

we bought Buchi first (chicken esophagus...not chicken skin nor chicken intestines...like tempura it's covered in flour...fried then eaten...)
because of sir erbert's ahem...charm...we each got a free buchi!
we laughed and laughed about june's NUTRI-STAR BRAIN and her Kashung-shungan....
after the comedy and the laughs...
we went into serious matters...
we talked about the thesis...
and how many (AHEM!) mistakes our groups made...
about the favorite group...
the least favorite group...
the most pitied group...
and the issues that drove evryone up the wall...

then into more serious...
and the saddest topics...
of how sir erbert will miss us...
and his confessions about our batch...

it angers me...
why do the best teachers always end up teaching you in your last year???
why would your best times contain ends?

I'll miss sir erbert...
and his laugh...
which goes something like this...
BWAHAHAHAHHAHA!
or...
HUWAHAHAHHAHHA!
hehehhe....

yet as the song im listening to says...
"Tomorrow will have its way...
sooner or later...
our paths will cross again..."

A tribute to my friends: Naureen

She has been my neighbor, my classmate, my Ate and one of my bestfriends...
Her name is Naureen Grace L. Mutas...
sometimes teased as MUTA...
she's not the biggest girl on the block...
but she qualifies...
hehehehe...

She was the first one in our group who had the colored cp...
the first one i heard that learned to drive a car...
but she doesn't have a license yet...
Pasaway noh?
A woman with flaws...but she's not afraid to admit she has them...
she laughs most of her problems away...or eats them away for that matter...
she's always with me during our Kalog or Sabog moments...
she's crazy over LOVE and anything about that topic...

She's the oldest BTW...
17 and still in highschool...
she's not dumb or anything! (hehehe joke!)
she had kinder 2 times...

Her boys? (meron ba siyang mga ganun?)
well...for the record let's just say that ONE out of hundreds of whom she had crush on had a crush on her too...
but..
unfortunately...
it didn't work out the way the guy wnated to...
but it was an experience for them both and for especially for naureen...

at present she's enjoying having crushes on different guys...
again...
it's like her hoby or something...
it might even be considered as a career...

but no boy...may ever come between the friendship i had with her...
it may not have the best moments...
it may contain the worst times...
but i'm glad i spent them all with her...

A tribute to my friends: Stephanie

Starting tonight i will write something about the people who made my highschool life a lot easier to manage...

let's start with this young lady here...

Her name is Martina Stephanie B. Encarnacion

i first talked to her outside the corridors of the 3rd floor just in front on our room...
She was with phae yet at that time i didn't have the faintest idea who they were...
still i talked to them...and asked them to come in...
she had this smile back then that didn't blind you (because as you know at present she's wearing braces...)
and somehow it made you smile back...
Let's fast forward to the time she became an official member of BSP (fyi: BSP stands for Bulaklak Sa Pader...why you ask? that's another blog!)
When you see her step inside the classroom you really gotta be careful! Pakikiramdaman mo muna cya...if she's smiling, then it's ok to approach her...you're assured that she won't bite you...(I'm telling you...when she tells you she'll bite you...she means it...)
but if her face shows that she woke up on the wrong side of the bed...or she didn't get much sleep at all...out with the SPEARS!!! TORCHES!!! and PITCH FORKS!!! KILL THE BEAST!!!
she's cranky...and when she's cranky she can do CRAZy things...to you and the people around you...better stop her before she hurts you or herself!

I'm getting a little mean...
hehehehe...
on the other side...
She's...to put it simply...the most wonderful person i have ever met...
she has a heart that is as big as her (no offense!)
a walking poet...
a woman with a heart of a child...
the greatest friend...
heck she's everything in one...

i'll miss her...
soooooo much...

2 days away from graduation...

it's not that i should be sad or anything...
i'm supposed to be happy...
that i'm finally graduating from highschool...

I won't be puuting up with clearances anymore...
or projects which are due in one week...

I won't fall asleep in math..physics or ap anymore...

No more trips to the Restroom in the middle of classes where we'll spend the rest of the period in...

No more walks home with friends through the long winding road of TC&W...

No more rainy afternoons just chillin' out with my friend's house...

There'll be no days hanging out at steph's house after exams...
which i'll miss the most...

i won't be seeing my teacher's that much anymore...
No more chats with them during lunchbreaks...

I won't be seeing much of my...ahem...crushes in the highschool building...though they are a little younger than me...

The canteen won't be occupied by our batch anymore during lunchbreaks...

the lobby will be empty and is ready to be occupied by the next batch of seniors...

come to think of it...
I'm going to miss a lot of highschool won't I?

I'm feeling a lot sadder than before...
i know that we can't avoid graduating...

we can leave the school...it's easy...
but we can't leave the memories our batch had made...

How can you let go of something you didn't have at the start?

My last posting was dated 2005..
it's been a year since i last opened up my blog...

so many things happened already...
i didn't even got hold of the moments i want to cherish most...
even the person i want share them with...
if you have already read my previous postings...you'll find out what i'm really talking about..
but since i'm a good person...i'll break it down for you...
this guy...was a classmate of mine since prep...i fell in love with him instantly...
though i didn't know it was LOVE already...
time flew and eventually i had the courage to tell him what i felt...
i thought he felt the same way...but i was wrong....
dead wrong...

he kept his distance from me...only talking to me if and only if necessary like group projects etc.
he courted some girls younger than us...
and he always got turned down...
on my part (ironically) i felt sad for him...
because he really takes it all at once and sometimes he isolates himself...
from his friends...family...and from me...

I am writing this becase i'm entering a new world...
i'm going to college..
and i want to finish all of this in the span of less than a month...
but questions pops into my head...
"How DO you let go of someone whom you ddn't have at the start?"

"How could you turn away from memories of which you're the only one to remember them?"

"How could you forget a smile...that was never meant for you to see..."

"How can you say..."i've waited for you..." if you're the only who'll listen?"

"How can you look deep into his eyes...and try not to cry....?"

if there are answers to these questions...
i'd like to know them...